Well, our first child should arrive anytime within the next two weeks.
J reports that her obstetrician will start physically urging resolution to this pregnancy next Monday. According to advanced technology (measuring tape) our soon-to-be-first-born is rather large.
Good thing we are completely and utterly and totally prepared.
Posted in The Pregnancy, Third Trimester
Last night, J and I attended an iteration of The Happiest Baby Workshop. Some of you will know exactly what that means, and an image of a smiling Kevin-Kline-looking chap will pop into your head. I however, had no idea. My last minute google research turned up reference to a “fourth” trimester, which inevitably caused my skepticism bone to tingle.
Actually, it was a very interesting affair. For one, the presenter was articulate and engaging – which always helps – and the concept (that fourth trimester) isn’t actually too wacky.
The essential of what I learned was that babies need help in learning to calm themselves. This point in particular reminded me of a conversation I had several months back with a brand new first-time mom. She said she just assumed that when babies are tired they will go to sleep, but that she’d just realized that they haven’t learned how to go sleep and that they need a bit of help. And when I heard her say that, it made some sense. And here I was hearing it repackaged in another way: the missing fourth trimester.
Dr. Harvey Karp, the man behind the Happiest Baby, argues that human babies are born too early in their development. That other mammals give birth to more developed offspring (think of a foal rising to its feet almost immediately after being born). But human physiology prevents our babies from developing further in the womb. For one, their heads are still very flexible at nine months so that they can be squeezed along a rather narrow opening. A firmly set skull would require a c-section every time.
But one of the things that allow baby’s to survive at this stage of development is an innate set of reflexes. For instance, crying. But Karp also suggests there is an innate “calming reflex” within a baby. This makes sense if you think about a baby in a womb and waiting to be born. Babies are active in the womb, but they also settle down. If they didn’t settle down, and kept those arms and legs moving around, it would be very difficult to give birth. Likely most babies wouldn’t be head down, for instance. But something within the baby allows it to relax, to calm down. Karp argues that this reflex can be triggered postpartum through stimulation that mimics the baby’s womb experience. He suggests the Five S’s: swaddling, side/stomach position, shushing, swinging, sucking.
Swaddling, for example, recreates the closed-in feeling of the womb. Shushing reproduces the sounds a baby hears in the womb (mostly a near-whitenoise blend of heart beats and blood rushing).
The concept seems straightforward and reasonable.
In the execution of the idea, there are little quirks and techniques. For instance, you are supposed to follow the Five S’s in order (not jump to swinging, for instance). But I think we’ll give this approach a try.
Anyone had success with this approach? Anyone experienced utter failure?
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Image courtesy of creative commons on flickr.com and tedsblog
Posted in Parenthood, The Pregnancy, Third Trimester
Tagged baby, fatherhood, happiest baby, harvey karp, Parenthood, pregnancy
So if you haven’t figured this out from the blog post title, we are expecting a boy!
J at the ultrasound
The latest in 3D Ultrasonic Technology confirms the presence of very tiny testicles. That’s the perfect setup for a punchline about genetics and my masculinity. So let’s just move past it shall we?
A boy – but don’t tell Janelle’s father. Apparently he doesn’t want to know until it he(!) is born. I have know idea how we’ll be able to keep this information away from him. But I suppose we’ll try.
The 3D Ultrasound was pretty fun, actually. The room is very comfortable, with big leather chairs and such. Not clinical at all. Ultrasounds are not new, but it still seems like a mind-blowing technology: “Let’s take a look at the living thing in your stomach.” Wow! There it is – let’s count the toes!
Add into this that we had four of our family members watching this experience live on the Internet. Plus I was snapping pics (like this one of J) on her iPhone, texting my sister, and posting to twitter at the same time. Oh, and drinking a Tim’s coffee.
We live in very luxurious times. How can you raise kids to appreciate this luxury and not have them take it for granted?
So, yes, a boy!
We think.
The technician was very positive and spent a great degree of time checking various angles in order to satisfy herself. So I’m confident.
And yet: this wouldn’t be the first time that the ultrasound was wrong (far from it). And that’s okay. J loves surprises. And I’m perfectly happy for either a boy or a girl.
But it’ll very likely be a boy.
So now we are refining and focusing the list of possible names (I’ll be discussing the issues with the Last Name in a later post). J is trying “Henry” on for size.
And to me it all seems that much more real. The resolution on the future seems higher and much more viewable. And with the increase in resolution so too an increase in the enormity of the responsibility.
Oh geeze.
I think J is feeling something similar. Now she’s able to think about the idea of a son. She’s going to have a mother-son relationship. I’m going to have a father-son relationship. That is a little unnerving.
I’m suddenly reminded of when I was learning how to swim: hanging on to the side of the pool and putting my foot into the water – deeper and deeper – and nothing beyond.
I guess it’s sink or swim time buddy.
Posted in Beginnings and Endings, Second Trimester, The Pregnancy
Tagged 3D Ultrasound, baby, Becoming Human, dad, father, fatherhood, nephews, new dad, omg, Parenthood, pregnancy, ultrasound
In the last forty-eight hours I’ve consumed four doughnuts and about six bowls of ice-cream. This isn’t all that I’ve eaten in the last two days. I’ve eaten much more. Lots of bread. Some perogies. Half-a-bottle of non-alcoholic, but plenty sugary, champagne. I can go on, but I’ll spare you. Suffice it to say that this is an approach to nutrition I’ve been pursuing for many months, with predictable results.
There was a time when I could not gain weight. I was nineteen and I weighed about 145lbs. I was six feet tall. Looking back, I can see that I was burning so many calories a day that I could afford to eat and drink whatever I wanted. I was working full-time in the military and I threw myself into PT (physical training) every morning with gusto. I tried to bulk up by following my Dozen-Dozen Diet™ – that’s a dozen beer and a dozen doughnuts a day.
I didn’t bulk up.
Oh, the wasted days of youth.
You can guess that the time when I could not gain weight has long since ended. My height, sadly, has not increased with my weight. I’ve bulked up, to be sure. Just perhaps not in the athletic locations.
Now, there are many reasons to be healthy and fit. I have many reasons. Not the least of which is that I am still in the army, and being out of shape is a definite no-no there. But at my rank level there is no one looking over my shoulder or telling me to pump off a few more pushups. No, that motivation must come from within. I am supposed to be a good example for younger soldiers. And for me that train of thought carries over to my new responsibilities of fatherhood. I need to set a good example. I am responsible for the eating and fitness habits of my child.
And that’s a good reason to start doing something about it now.
Moreover, I’ve been told that raising a kid can be stressful – from sleepless nights, to money concerns, it will take a toll on you mentally and physically. A healthy and fit body can endure stress better.
So I’ve decided that I need to recapture the gusto of that nineteen-year-old self. Get back into a physical fitness regime. Frankly, there is no excuse not to (I work fifty metres away from a gym! And I live a hundred metres away from another gym).
I have under 20 weeks left before this baby is born.
Time to eat better and get fit.
I know I have your support.
So please stop bringing me doughnuts.
Posted in Fitness, Second Trimester, The Pregnancy
Elena Desserich was six-years old when she died from cancer.
Such a short life might fit into the palm of your hand: warm and weighted like a small animal, or, like a sea-shell examined at the edge of the ocean, glistening and clean in the bright sunlight. In its compactness, such a life is almost comprehensible. Almost.
Her parents were told that she had 135 days to live. They endeavored to survive the ordeal by recording it, day-by-day, into a journal ostensibly intended for future reading by Elena’s younger sister Grace. The Desserich’s extended family wanted/needed to know about Elena, about these final days, so the daily passages were upload to a website. Thousands of people drew inspiration from these posts. And way-led-onto-way until yesterday’s re-publishing of Notes Left Behind:
“In Notes Left Behind, Elena’s parents struggle to resolve their contradictory impulses to both fight Elena’s cancer at all costs, and to realize the inevitable outcome that awaits their daughter. Through it all, they rediscover what it means to be a family and what it means to live. The journal is candid and sincere in its treatment of deeply personal and tragic events and is a reminder to parents everywhere to appreciate and savor every precious moment they have with their own children.” – notesleftbehind.com
At some point Elena’s cancer prevented her from being able to speak. She wrote notes about what she wanted to say. She wrote notes and left them for her little sister to find. After Elena was gone, her parents discovered that Elena had left notes for them too, hidden between books and cds, in backpacks and briefcases.
This book is about the words the Desserich’s left behind and the notes Elena herself left behind.
Words sent out into the world like little paper boats bobbing along in rain-filled gutters.
History is full of these types of words, floating down through time. I come across them all the time as a historian. They are translated across language and across media. From Latin into English. From Stone into Binary. There are mistranslations too – this always happens. And there are things left unsaid, emptiness surrounds the symbols carved into stone.
What is unknowable about death and what is inexpressible about life haunts all of these words – especially the words: “I love you.”
In the end, Elena out-lived her prognosis by a hundred and twenty-one days. She died in August 2007.
Today, Notes Left Behind has gone viral. There are persistent problems with the webpage – due to high traffic. Like The Last Lecture, a lot of people will read this book. They will warm their hands in the glow if its pages.
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Also this day: Lt. Boyes – We will pass words of you down through the years.
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Posted in Beginnings and Endings
Tagged cancer, death, elena desserich, life, notes left behind, notesleftbehind, Parenthood, pediatric cancer, pediatrics
